Teaching Your Kids to Take Healthy Risks

“Be Careful! Don’t go too close, or you will get hurt!”

As parents we know that there are many potential dangers in the world. And while we would like to protect our children from each and every hazard, we know that we can’t. Furthermore, we know that even if we could protect our children from all peril, this wouldn’t be good for them.

Susan Davis is a clinical psychologist a staff psychologist and Assistant Professor at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and a consulting psychologist at the Saul and Carole Zabar Nursery School in New York City.

Nancy Eppler-Wolff is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, an Adjunct Assistant Professor at Teachers College, Columbia University and an Adjunct Assistant Professor and Clinical Supervisor at The Derner Institute at Adelphi University.

You can learn more about them at www.raisingchildrenwhosoar.com

What is risk taking, and what does it have to do with raising children? Risk taking is a behavior, or action, that spans the distance between safety and danger; success and failure; comfort and discomfort. We are all familiar with bad risk taking behaviors – dropping out of school or the overuse of alcohol or drugs. But, most parents are not aware of the upside of risk taking. We all take risks from birth. As our toddler stands up and takes his first steps, he is taking a risk. When our preschooler gets up the courage to ask a friend for a play date, she is taking a risk. When our 8 year old raises his hand in class, even though he is not sure that he has the correct answer, he is taking a risk. And when our adolescent tries out for the soccer team, even though she is not a star athlete, she is taking a risk.

Positive risk taking is part of development, and the ability to take good risks helps to propel our children ahead in life. Good risk taking fosters confidence, competence and the ability to soar in life.

In our book, Raising Children Who Soar: A Guide to Healthy Risk-Taking in an Uncertain World, we provide a comprehensive handbook that helps parents and educators understand the importance of risk taking, and gives specific exercises, activities and games to encourage healthy risk taking.

This month children all over the world are beginning the school year. The transition from the restful months of summer vacation to the school routine is exciting – and scary – at the same time. For children who know how to take healthy risks, the re-entry into the school year can be less stressful and more successful.

The beginning of the school year is risky for all of our children. Our children wonder, “Will I like my new teacher, and will he like me?” “Will I get along with my friends this year?” “Will I be able to keep up with my school work?” These thoughts and concerns promote different kinds of reaction and behaviors in our children. For example, a shy child who is particularly concerned about making new friends may decide to bravely befriend a new child in the class, even though she is feeling nervous. While another child with similar concerns may sit by herself in the lunchroom in fear that she will be rejected by her peers. The first example is a healthy risk, while the second constitutes a poor risk.

As parents we can do much to encourage our children to be good risk takers. The list below is an introduction to raising a child who is a healthy risk-taker:

• Listen carefully to your child’s thoughts, ideas and concerns. With all of the demands on our time and attention, parents sometimes don’t take the time to really listen to our children. Set aside 10-15 minutes a day to just talk and listen. During this time, turn off the computer, cell phone and television and devote 100% to your child.
• Practice good risk taking with your child at home.
  As you become increasingly familiar with your child’s concerns and worries, ask yourself, how can I help my child take small safe risks at home? There are many ways to do this. For example, if your child is concerned about reading aloud in class, you can practice this skill together at home. If you child is worried about making new friends, you can initiate a play date, and organize a focused activity (for example, an art project) to encourage conversation and comfort between the children.
• Talk to your child’s teacher.
  Let your child’s teacher know what kind of risk taker he is. If, for example, your child is slow to warm up, and needs a little extra encouragement to speak up in class, you can suggest that the teacher seats him toward the front of the class. If your child is impulsive, you can suggest that the teacher initiates a point system to reward him when he raises his hand without shouting out in class. These are examples of classroom strategies that allow the child to take healthy risks in class. A child who is feeling supported by his teacher (and parent) feels confident to reach past his point of comfort.
• Assess what works (and what doesn’t) with your child.
  Children thrive as they take new risks. Even when they fail, they are learning important life lessons. If, for example, your child is still having difficulty speaking up in class, brainstorm other ways to help him to take this important risk. Your child will appreciate the genuine effort and interest you are taking toward his well-being and achievement.

Dr. Seuss summed up the benefits of healthy risk-taking in his book, Oh! The Places You’ll Go! (1990):

“Your off to Great Places!
Today is your day,
Your mountain is waiting,
So….get on your way!”

Check out the book and reviews here:

Raising Children Who Soar: A Guide to Healthy Risk-Taking in an Uncertain World

Click here for a chance to win a copy of the book.